Donated by Gazordenplatt

Fang: Hello.
Mighty: Is this the sniper formally known as Nack?
Fang: Speaking.
Mighty: I have received undeniable proof that the Klopman Diamond is in town, in the possession of Vanilla the Rabbit.
Fang: Does anyone live with her?
Mighty: Only her daughter Cream and her pet chao Cheese.
Fang: I'll look into this (Hangs up.) Piece of cake.
Mighty: Now, I just hope Vanilla and Cream know their parts.
Vector: Who were you talking to?
Mighty: A thief that you've been tracking. I just set him up. We'll have him busted after we've watched the fun.

That night:
Fang: The mother is out for the evening, surely the kid and the chao will be no problem.
Cream: Stick 'em up! What's the password.
Fang: What the- a kid with a GUN?
Cream: that's right, now what's the password?
Fang: Uhhh Chris sent me?
Cream: Sorry, that was last week's password.
Fand: You wouldn't shoo-
Cream: I don't fight with wooden guns, I fight with chao, right Cheese?
Cheese: Chao! (Dashes toward Fang's hand, smashing Fang's gun on impact.)
Fang: YIKES! (Runs out of house, stops on sight of Vanilla with gun.)
Vanilla: Hold it right there!
Fang: Eep! Yes ma- wait a minute. That's probably a wooden gun too.
Vanilla: Oh? (Seemingly taps gun on doorknob, making clanging sound.)
Fang: ... (Faints.)
Vanilla: (Calls Vector) Vector, your friend was right. Banging a ring on a metal surface does sund liks a gun clanging. A purple weasel just fainted on the porch.
Vector: That would be Fang. Thanks for the aid Vanilla.
Mighty: I can't wait to send this to AFV.

Donated by Gazordenplatt

Rouge: Hello.
Amy: Hey, Rouge, I just saw a headline telling of Fang the Sniper's botched up attempt to acquire the Klopman Diamond. The paper is saying it all. "Weasel with Wooden Head Whammied by Wooden Weapons." I figured you might be interested.
Rouge: I've heard legends about it. It is both a priceless gem and a pointless running gag on Garfield and Friends. Where was this?
Amy: It was at the time in the possession of Vanilla the Rabbit. And she ain't worried. Perhaps she figured the wooden gun trick would work all the time.
Rouge: "Wooden gun?" Ooookay. I'll give this some thought. (Hangs up.)
Amy: Wonder if she bought it.
Rouge: Why would Amy tell me something worth a fortune is at her friend's house. And why would she tell me anything? Hmmm...

That night...

Rouge: That was surprisingly easy. (Accidently knocks over lamp, causing it to break. On her foot.)
Rouge: *%@#
Vanilla: Who's there?
Rouge: Eep! (Flies through window. Discovers that window was not open when she flew through it.)
Rouge: Crud! (Top of window falls on Rouge.)
Rouge: Double crud! (Owl flies by. Stuff lands on Rouge.)
Rouge: Triple crud! (Trips on root, smacks stone lawn ornamen headfirst, cracking cranium.)
Rouge: This is not my day. (Phone rings. Loudly.)
Rouge: Hello.
Amy: Pingas (Hangs up.)
Rouge: WTF? Better run back inside, before anyone sees me. (Repeats the two window mishaps)
Rouge: THAT DOES IT! (Sees Vanilla and tosses diamond back at her.) Keep your rock. It must be cursed! (Cream's bed falls through celing and lands on her already damaged head.)
Cream: Why is Rouge in our house. And what's my bed doing here?
Rouge: Owwwww. Maybe, I woke up on the wrong side of the bed, or under.
Cheese: Chao! (Charges towards Rouge, Rams her face.)
Rouge: YIKES! (Faints. Mumbles) ...stupid diamond...

Next Day...
Rouge (reading paper from hospital): "Batty Burglar Bashed, Battered, Bruised, and Busted." Why'd I head there again? (Phone Rings.)
Rouge: Hello.
Amy: So, how was Curse of the Klopman?
Rouge: As soon as I'm out of the hospital, I'm going to drink every last drop of your blood!
Amy: You actually went there? Even when I made it as obvious as it could get?
Rouge: Fang never reached the diamond, he was scared by the wooden guns and the gun wrecking chao. And he didn't fly through two closed windows, get hit by two closed windows, crack his skull on a lawn ornament or Cream's bed, have an owl relieve itself on his back (Which wasn't nearly as cut upas mine was), or have a chao smash his face! I'm going to need a new nose, lots of stiches and bandages and wear a brace on my foot from the blasted lamp!

Donated by Wierdtails

Marine: (Calls Tails)
Tails: hello?
Marine:Ahoy Tails!
Tails: What's up, Marine?
Marine: I need you to do something for me, mate. Could you go find that big chest full of cursed Aztec gold and paint it all silver?
Tails: But why?
Marine: Well... I dunno mate, because everyone will think it's not Aztec Cursed gold?
Tails: Uh... So it will make everyone think it's just plain silver?
Masrine: Aye!
Tails: Okay...

Marine: Now for Part 2...
(Calls Eggman)
Eggman: What do you want?
Marine: I know where to get a whole lot of Silver, Mate!
Eggman: Huh?! Who Are you?
Marine: I'm Jack Sparrow!
Eggman: I thought it was "Captain" Jack Sparrow.
Marine: Uh... Aye!
Eggman: Okay... So, where is this Silver?
Marine: You'll find a map to go there tomorrow on your front porch if you leave $7 Million there. Use that Map, and you'll find a big Treasure chest with lots of silver. You can do whatever you want with that.
Eggman: Okay! (Hangs up)
Marine: Now, I'll go get the money!

(24 Hours Later)
I've got lots of Money, and Eggman's gone to find that "Cursed Aztec Silver"! (Laughs) Now I shall go with Part 3!
(Calls Lord Cutler Beckett)
Beckett: Hello? This better be Important, as I wish to purge the oceans of Pirates As soon as-
Marine: Ahoy! I just spotted a Pirate!
Beckett: Where?!
Marine: He was headed towards open seas!
Beckett: All right! I shall capture him! (Hangs up)
Marine: Now I shall Tell the gang that I have eliminated Eggman!

(At the place where the Aztecs stored all their Cursed gold)
Eggman: (Running away with the cursed Aztec Gold that Tails painted Silver) I have lots of Silver now! I can buy all sorts of crazy weaponry!
(Accidentally drops some into the Ocean)
Eggman: Uh oh! I should be carefu- Wait.. that's Paint? and this is... GOLD!!! (Realizes what it is) OMG! IT'S CURSED AZTEC GOLD!!
Beckett: Halt Pirate!
Eggman: I'm Not A pirate!
(The moon shines on him)
Eggman: WHAT THE-
Beckett: He turned into a skeleton! He's definitely a Pirate!
Eggman: ...This has got to be a nightmare...

Donated by Gazordenplatt
Rouge (still in the hospital): This'll teach Amy to send me on a Klopman Diamond Quest. (Calls Amy)
Amy: Hello.
Rouge: Amy, I just saw Sonic, with Sally.
Amy: That's funny, I'm with Sally right now. She invited me and a few others to a slumber party. Cream, Blaze, Bunnie, Cosmo... we would have invited you, but, seeing as you're still in the hospital on the other side of town...
Rouge: Never mind. (Hangs up.) Strike one. I'll try a different approach. Maybe, I'll turn Sonic against her.

Meanwhile...
Sonic: Who'd be calling at a time like this? Hello?
Rouge: Psst. Sonic. I just saw Amy making out with Shadow.
Sonic: Hold on a moment. (Hands the phone to Shadow.) It's for you.
Shadow: Hello.
Rouge: Uhhhh... how long have you been there.
Shadow: A good half hour.
Rouge: Drat! (Hangs up.) Strike two.

Meanwhile...
Eggman: My Egg-Griffin is now complete. (Hears phone.) This better not be a prank call.
Rouge: It isn't. I just learned that a buch of Sonic's female friends have gathered for a party at Castle Acorn. Amy, Sally, Blaze, Cream, and a few others. Interest piqued.
Eggman: Sounds like an opportunity to test my Egg-Griffin. (Hangs up.)
Rouge: Knowing those girls, they'll probably blame Amy for this. Heh, heh, heh- "Egg-Griffin?" Oh, well.

Later...
Blaze: Don't look now, but there's a giant purple griffin above Castle Acorn that's clearly meant to... do something, as I'm hearing Eggman's laughter.
Tikal: Where'd Eggman even come up with that one?
Marine: I hear a Mr. M. Tron was having a yard sale. I just purchased some strange rusty substance yesterday.
Amy: Well then, Cream, have Cheese launch the stuff at the... ship.
Cheese: Chao:! (Charges through the... ship, dropping the Cosmic Rust in the head module.)
Eggman: YIKES! Annoying little blob, I'll- where'd the rust come from!?
Cosmo: Are all of Eggman's mech's this junky?
Bunnie: It's secondhand, what did you expect?
Amy: Now, what would happen if I push this claw marked "FALL-APART" in huge capital letters. (Pushes claw, causing the... ship to fall apart)
Sally: Either Amy would make a keen leader, or Eggman is REALLY slipping.
Eggman: WHY'D THE BAT TELL ME TO COME HERE!?!
Everyone: Rouge...
Julie-Su: That traitor...
Amy: Think Cheese should smash her face some more?
Cream: Cheese?
Cheese: Chao! (Zooms to the hospital and chao-cannon blasts Rouge in the face. Again.)
Rouge: Strike... three...

Donated by striker-exe

Westwood: Ahhhhh. Finally out of that asylum!
(cell rings =Got back after release
Westwood: Hello?
Sonic: It's Sonic.
Westwood: This better not be a joke.
(Sonic at GUN HQ with everyone else)
Sonic: It's about GUN HQ.
Westwood: What about it?
Sonic: The place is wrecked.
Westwood: WHAT!!! *Heads to GUN*
Everyone: SURRPRIIISE!
(Westwood faints)

*Next Day*

Westwood(reading paper): Captain Westwood faints at welcoming back party. Oh well. At least I'm back.
(Phone rings)
Westwood: Hello?
Amy: Pingaaas.

Donated by Wierdtails

Sonic: (Calls Shadow)
Shadow: Who is this?
Sonic: (In a goofy voice) Barney!
Shadow: Good. I wanted to call you to tell you to stop singing that stupid song of-
Sonic: I decided to move my show to your house!
Shadow: ON MY DEAD BODY!!! (Hangs up)
Sonic: Probably (chuckles)...
(Calls Megatron)
Megatron: Hello, this had better be important, yeeesss.
Sonic: Guess what? There's a really awesome Jacuzzi at the house of Shadow the Hedgehog!
Megatron: Really?
Sonic: Totally!
Megatron: Okay, I shall see if this Jacuzzi is really as good as you say. (Hangs up)
Sonic: I better get my Camera!
(3 Hours later)
Megatron: Ahhhh.... This is definitely the best Jacuzi I've ever-
Shadow: I knew you'd be here Barney!
Megatron: What? I'm Not Barney!
Rubber Ducky: *Squeak*
Shadow: A rubber Ducky... I KNEW IT!! HE'S BARNEY!!! (Uses Chaos Spear on Rubber Duck)
Megatron: WHY YOU LITTLE- TERRORIZE!!! (Transforms into Robot mode)
Shadow: What the-
Sonic: (Hiding in the bushes with his Camera) I wonder how many people are gonna watch this on YouTube... Millions, maybe!

Donated by Gazordenplatt

Sonic: What are you doing in that phone booth?
Amy: Testing if that red knucklehead is as dumb as he looks. (Calls Knuckles)
Knuckles: Hello.
Amy: Hey Knux, I just learned that Rouge has an underground hideout in town, and she's robably plotting to swipe that emerald of yours.
Knuckles: Where?
Amy: Hold on a minute. (Takes out map) Start at the fountain at the square.
Knuckles: One moment.

5 minutes later...

Knuckles: I'm there.
Amy: Okay, go 2 blocks east.
Knuckles: Right.
Amy:1 block north.
Knuckles: Right.
Amy: 2 blocks west.
Knuckles: Okay.
Amy 1 block north, 3 blocks east, 2 blocks south 2 blocks east...

20 minutes of directions later...

Knuckles: I'm there.
Amy (looking at Rouge's house): It's in the house on the next corner to the left.
Knuckles: All right. (Runs inside and tears up the place.)
Amy (To herself): Strange. It sounds like Knuckles it tearing up the place, but Rouge's house looks normal.
Sonic: You're still there?
Amy: I tried to trick Knuckles into trashing Rouge's place.
Knuckles: Didn't think Rouge was obsessed with Sonic. Hey, this is Amy's place! Why is Rouge's base in Amy's place?
Amy: WHAT!? (Looks at map, sees that she held it wrong.) WHAT A FOOL I'VE BEEN! HOW COULD I BLUNDER SO!? (smashes phone booth, runs to her trashed house and beats up Knuckles)

Next day...

Rouge (Reading paper): "Amy Pulls Boner of the Decade. Tries to Trick Knuckles and Trash Rouge, Tricks and Trashes Herself." Serves her right. Sonic and the others are probably making sure she never lives this down.

Meanwhile...

Amy: At least Sonic's letting me stay at his place. I still can't believe they're laughing at my blunder. I'll show them. (Calls Cream)
Cream: Hello.
Amy: Hello Cream, think we should let Rouge watch the Klopman Diamond for some time?
Cream: Why should I do that?
Amy: To make her shut up.
Cream: Mom sent it to a jewelry shop in Blumbling Ignatious Greeblenick.
Amy: Okay then. (Hangs up and calls Rouge.) Hello Rouge?
Rouge: What do you want now bonehead?
Amy: You'll be happy to know that the Klopman Diamond is now in a significantly less secure jewelry shop in Blumbling Ignatious Greeblenick.
Rouge: The town where the buildings and roads are HUGE?
Amy: Yep. Think that rock is still cursed?
Rouge: That was just a mishap. I'm getting that rock this time! (Hangs up.)
Amy: Hey Sonic, remember when we got that number from that blue transforming jet?
Sonic: You mean Thundercracker?
Amy: Yeah, do we have his number?
Sonic: Yeah, here it is.
Amy: Great. (Calls Thundercracker)
Thundercracker: What is it?
Amy: Hey 'Cracker, still looking for a way to knock some sense into Starscream?
Thundercracker: He's trying to move those blasted Combaticons up in rank, thinking they'll help him usurp Megatron again. So yes.
Amy: Why dont you consider sending them to Blumbling Ignatious Greeblenick. There's a jewelry shop with a strange Klopman Diamond that causes atrocious luck.
Thundercracker: Onslaught may try using it, I'll convince them to look into it. (Hangs up.)
Amy: Now I'll addinsult to injury (calls the Autobots.)
Skids: Hello.
Amy: Hello, is this the Autobase.
Skids: You're talking with the Autobot Skids. What do you need?
Amy: I hear that there is possible Combaticon activity in Blumbling Ignatious Greeblenick. It involves a cursed Klopman Diamond.
Skids: The Protectobots are in the area, I'll notify them immediately.

Later...

Rouge: Stealing that Diamond was much easier this time.
Brawl: There's the Diamond Thundercracker spoke of. That bat beat us to it.
Blast Off: Just let her try to fly, I'll mow her down.
Vortex: And I'll clip her wings.
Rouge: Gotta go.
Onslaught: Combaticons, transform!
(Swindle and Brwal fight before switching to vehicle mode. All drive (fliers included) after Rouge occupying only two lanes of traffic.).
Rouge: What kind of road is this?
Onslaught: Combaticons, form Bruticus!
(Bruticus forms and almost immediately steps on Rouge, less than a second before Defensor shows up and blasts Bruticus to bits, raining Bruticus parts on Rouge.)
Rouge (crawling out of wreckage): What happened?
Swindle (also crawling out of wreckage): Defensor!
Defensor: Call sanitation, there's junk all over the street. (Walks away)
Rouge: He left behind this mess?
Swindle: Now where am I going to find parts? (Turns to Rouge) Hey, wanna by Brawl's brain? Costs one Klopman Diamond.
Rouge: Forget it, jerk. I'm throwing the diamond back in that shop and returning to the hospital. (Throws diamond through jewelry shop window, causing facade to fall on Rouge and Swindle.)
Rouge and Swindle: Ow.

Next day...

Amy (reading paper): "Stung by Boner Comment, Amy Makes a Mess. Opening of B.O.T. Restaged. Bruticus in Pieces. Swindle Tries Hocking Parts to Thief. Insult Added to Injury by Falling Facade. First Boner Call. Plans More." Gotcha Rouge.

Donated by Gazordenplatt

Knuckles: Hello.
Tails: Hey Knuckles.
Knuckles: What is it?
Tails: Just wondering if you hooked up that new fax machine of yours.
Knuckles: Yes.
Tails: What's the fax number?
Knuckles: Why do you want to know?
Tails: I figure this way, we can send an image of what we might deal with.
Knuckles: O-o-o-kay, it's the same as my number, except that it ends in a 7 instead of an 8.
Tails: Okay then, have you tested it?
Knuckles: Not yet.
Tails: I'll send something then. Tell me when you get it.
Knuckles: Okay.
(Tails sendsphoto through the fax.)
Tails: Did you get it?
Knuckles: Yeah it- GAAAAAAAAAGH!!!! WHAT THE FU@#!?!?!
(Knuckles is looking at a photograph of Eggman in a speedo. Think Sonic Unleashed expression.)
Tails: Gotcha!
Knuckles: Grrrrrrr.....

That night...

Tails's phone goes into answering machine mode.
Knuckles: It is 3 A. M. and time to play your favorite game show, Tic-Tac-Turmoil. Given your nature Tails, I figure you'll like this selection (Plays off-key bugle recordings of "Star Trekkin Across the Universe," "Shaving Cream," and "Poisoning Pidgeons." Wakes up the neighborhood.)
Sonic: How much longer is this going to go on?
Espio: With Knuckles? Who knows?

Next day...

The Chaotix had gathered with Sonic, Shadow, Amy, Cream, Rouge, and Big.
Vector: I see you heard the noise too.
Rouge: Those hooligans ruined my beauty sleep. We should get them both!
Amy: Let's see, the forecast calls for heavy rain, soo... (Whispers something to Charmy, who then calls Knuckles)
Knuckles: Hello.
Charmy: Hey Knuckles, heard your concerto last night, I have an idea for an encore.
Knuckles: What did you have in mind?
Charmy: You know that tower that Tails had been putting his older inventions into lately?
Knuckles: Yes.
Charmy, How about you do some digging on the south side of the tower for about 20 hours.
Knuckles: Seems silly, but okay. (Hangs up)
Sonic: Oookay, why'd Charmy tell Knuckles to dig a big hole near Tails's historical tower?
Amy: For a historical lesson in engineering. Trivia question. What European landmark is a major boner for a very weak foundation that worsens every year?
Cream: The Leaning Tower of Pisa?
Amy: Correct.
Big: D-uh, I think I get it now.
Rouge: If he gets it, why don't I?
Espio: Just watch.

That night...

Tails: Finally the original Tornado has been resto- WHAT THE-?
(Tails's tower tilts to the side, wrecking most of the old inventions, dumping several out the window, right over where Knuckles has finished digging that very second.)
Knuckles: Arrrgh!

Next day...

Shadow (Reading paper): " Bad Musician Brings Down Tails House. Tower of Pisa Re-Created. Knuckles Gets Performance Trashed." Another boner call. I'm starting to see why people think that blue hedgehog is scared of Amy. She's starting to scare me with these boner calls. Perhaps I may fall for one soon.

Donated by Gazordenplatt

Shadow: This is a good game we're having. My team is leading the faker's team by 6, and Rouge has hampered them further with that little collision. That twisted ankle means Amy is out of the game, and they'll have to use Big, the slowest of them all. This is in the bag.
Announcer: Shadow is about 15 yards from the goal line. A touchdown will clinch it.
(Helmet phone rings.)
Shadow: Who'd be calling at a time like this?
???: Shadow?
Shadow: Ma-Ma-Maria?
"Maria": Yes, Shadow.
Shadow: Where are you?
"Maria": I'm near this goalpost.
Shadow (Turning around): I see you. One moment.
Rouge: SHADOW!?! Where are you GOING?!?
Omega: ERROR! Shadow is going the wrong way!
Announcer: What is Shadow doing?
Shadow: Is it possible? Could Maria really be alive?
(Shadow stops 1 yard from the goal line only to find...)
Shadow: A cardboard cut-out?!?
Amy: Gotcha, Shadow! What do you think of my Maria voice?
Shadow: Damn it! Amy! I am SO gonna strangle you for th-AAAGGGGGGH!
(Big tackles Shadow and allows Tails to score a touchdown.)
Shadow: Double Damn it.
(Timer ran out. Sonic wins by one.)
Shadow: Triple Damn it! I just became another Roy "Wrong-Way" Riegels.
Announcer: Shadow has blown the lead by carrying the ball 84 yards in the wrong direction. He's just become another Roy "Wrong-Way" Riegels.
Shadow: I just said that.
Reporter: Shadow. What do you have to say for yourself?
Shadow: I'M GONNA KILL HER!!! I- groooaan. (Faints)
Amy: Big sure took the fight out of Shadow.

Next day...

Sonic: Gakkk! Shadow! What did I do?
Shadow (shows him the paper and tells him): Your self-proclaimed girlfriend and her boner calls!
Sonic (looking at headline): "Wodahs Yaw Gnorw Liah Lla"? ??? WTF?
Shadow: They printed it backwards on purpose because I'm "Wrong Way Shadow" now.
Sonic: Could be worse. Riegels carried the ball 98 yards in that 1929 Rose Bowl boner.
Shadow: Who's she gonna target next? Cream? Thorndyke? Sally? You?
Sonic: Who knows, Shadow? Who knows?

Donated by Wierdtails

(Calls Blaze)
Blaze: Hello?
Tails (with Bush's voice): Hey, Do you have frozen chickens?
Blaze: Uh... no, I just have refrigerated ones, why??
Tails: 'cause I put a chicken in the fridge, and the chicken thawed, and the thaw took a while to thaw, and it'll take a while to unthaw.
Blaze: O.o
(Tails hangs up laughing)

(Calls Knuckles)
Knuckles: Hey, can you call me later? Sonic just beat me up in a fight I thought I could win.
Tails: Apparently, you misunderestimated him.
Knuckles: Uh... Is that a real word?
(Tails hangs up laughing)

(calls Amy)
Amy: Hello?
Tails: Do you believe that the human being and Fish can coexist peacefully?
Amy: o_O;
(Tails hangs up, once again, laughing)

(Calls Eggman)
Eggman: Hello, I hope you don't interrupt my newest plan for world domination.
Tails: Hey, I want you to know that you have no disregard for human life.
Eggman: Hey, of course I... Wait, WHAT!?!
(Tails Rolls on the floor laughing)

(calls Megatron)
Megatron: Hello, What do you want?
Tails: I want you to know that you are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. You never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we!
Megatron: Yes, I always have ne- Hey!
(Tails hangs up and laughs until he can barely breathe)

(Calls Cosmo)
Tails: Hey, I've found out something interesting!
Cosmo: What?
Tails: If you teach a child to read, he or her will be able to pass a literacy test!
Cosmo: Uh... ;O.0
(Tails rolls on the floor in hysterical laughter)

(Calls Rouge)
Rouge: What do you want?
Tails: I was trying to say something differently, but nevertheless it conveyed a different message.
Rouge: Huh?
(Tails keeps laughing as he hangs up)

(Calls Swindle)
Swindle: Hey there, please finish quickly, 'cause I have to make my small business grow.
Tails: I understand small business growth. I was one.
Swindle: What's that supposed to mean?
(Tails laughs and hangs up)

(calls a poor guy living in a Hooverville)
Poor Guy: What do you want?
Tails: I know how hard it is for you to put food on your family.
Poor Guy: @.6;
(Tails keeps laughing)

(calls Optimus Prime)
Prime: Hello?
Tails: I'm telling you there's an enemy that would like to attack America, Americans, again. There just is. That's the reality of the world. And I wish him all the very best.
Prime: ... Who are you, a Decepticon?
(Tails hangs up and laughs)

(calls Mario)
Mario: Hello! It's-a Me, Mario! I'm-a Trying to find-a out what's up-a with this odd paper with lot's of numbers!
Tails: It's clearly a budget. It's got a lot of numbers in it.
Mario: ???
(Tails rolls on th floor laughing)

(calls George W. Bush)
Bush: Hello, this is the former President of the USA. What do you want?
Tails: Listen up: The war on terror involves Saddam Hussein because of the nature of Saddam Hussein, the history of Saddam Hussein, and his willingness to terrorize himself!
Bush: He's dead already, and please, don't try to misunderestimate me.
(Tails laughs so hard he accidentally breaks his phone)
Tails: Crap!

Donated by wildrook

Scourge: (answers phone) Sonic fan-base. This is Sonic himself speaking.
Chris Thorndyke: Yeah, this is Dr. Puss. I'd like to register a complaint on your fanbase's actions.
Scourge: Well, Mr. Pussy...
Chris: Dr. Puss. Doctor.
Scourge: Doc...we can't exactly control the fangirls' actions.
Chris: Actually, this is a lawsuit considering your newest publicity stunt. I've already called Westwood about this, and acts of vandalism aren't to be taken lightly.
Scourge: (actually surprised) Vandalism?
Chris: Someone had vandalized my 2010 Porsche, and it doesn't look human.
Scourge: (mildly interested) You're kidding.
Chris: I may be a puss, but I don't kid.
Scourge: A Porsche. That's a new one.
Chris: (unphased) Right. Here's the weird part: Not everything was stolen, but...
Scourge: (confused) But what? If it's anything I...er, Scourge did...
Chris: If he knew about this, he'd be laughing right now.
Scourge: (controlling himself) Yeah, I'm sure he would. Now, what happened, doc?
Chris: Well, I had left the sun roof open in order to cool the car because I just came back from the Rockies, and I found out after I got back, someone had dropped their trousers, put a popping hot loaf on my leather upholstery...
Scourge: Uh...what?
Chris: They took a dump in my car.
Scourge: (surprised) A what now?
Chris: They did number 2 through the sun roof in my car in front of God and everyone to see out of anger. Even Miss Rose has a sense of dignity not to do that...
Scourge: (actually snickering) That's...actually unfortunate.
Chris: Well, it'll be more unfortunate when I find the man who did this. I just found the culprit's ID and...
Scourge: Who is he?
Chris: Mr. Hedgehog...it was your clone, Scourge.
Scourge: (angry) Look, I may have done a lot of things, but the only car I've pooped in was a 1978 Pinto, okay bud?
Chris: Oh, so YOU'RE Scourge?
Scourge: (surprised) Uh...you heard that?
Chris: I've got the tape right here. And for the record, I'm a scientist, not a doctor. Don't forget to greet the GUN bots that are snooping as you exit the door. (hangs up)

(Sirens)

Scourge: GUN Bots...recorded tape...snooping...PINGAS!?! WHY THAT LITTLE SON OF A B--

BLAMMO!

One day later...

Sonic: (reading newspaper) "Impersonator Jailed for Boner Call with Stinky Proportions." (to Chris) That was a nice one, Chris...for a whiny brat.
Chris: Heh, I did learn from the best.
Tails: But where did you get the fake doo-doo?
Chris: (embarrassed) It was supposed to be fake?
Sonic and Tails: (utterly disgusted) YOU MEAN...
Chris: Just keep Cheese away from the chili. That's all I have to say in my defense.

Donated by Gazordenplatt

Hamlin: Hello.
Amy (Disguising voice): Is this Councilor Hamlin?
Hamlin: Speaking.
Amy: Some friends of mine were wondering about a few things that may need studying, and I was wondering if we could get government approval.
Hamlin: Describe them.
Amy: A large friend of mine had caused an Eggman truck to spill liquor into his favorite fishing spot, and he wanted to know how it will affect the fish. (Big)
Hamlin: I'll check with the council about it.
Amy: Another wanted to know why people act so rudely when they play tennis. (Cream)
Hamlin: That's something I've been wondering myself.
Amy: And another had a rough encounter with a semi and was concerned about motorists attitude towards large trucks. (Sonic) (SA2 reference)
Hamlin: That's always a problem.
Amy: And one more thought that there should be a commemoration for an Albert de Salvo for his unconventional means oof population control. (Sally)
Hamlin: These sound like good ideas. I'll review them with the council right away. (Hangs up)
Amy: (snicker)
Sally: Did Hamlin take it?
Amy: Probably. Let's see if the council really knows what it's doing.

Next day...

Chuck: Something tells me we fell victim to a boner call.
Sonic: What's up Unc?
Chuck: That Hamlin wasted a million bucks to determine if drunk fish are more aggressive than sober fish, 3000 dollars to find out why people are rude when playing tennis, 222,000 to study motorists attitude toward large trucks, and over 50 grand commending the Boston Strangler!
Sonic: The council APPROVED of THOSE ideas?
Chuck: I was the only one that voted against all 4 of them. They all passed by a 5-1 margin except the last one which Rotor voted against.
Sonic: Good grief!
(Meanwhile, Sally and Amy are laughing their heads off at the council in general, and Hamlin in particular.)
Sally: (Giggle) Any more boner calls in the making?
Amy (Laughing): I actually bet Sonic a Valentines date that I'd get him with one.
Sally: Can't wait for that. This should be interesting.